After an Infidelity: You May Forgive but You'll Never Forget
Relationships

After an Infidelity: You May Forgive but You’ll Never Forget

Years later, I can still see the evidence in my mind clear as today. Those images of the emails with harsh words about me and my marriage, and the heinous floozy talk between the two.

It’s forever embedded in my head no matter how much I try to let it go.

I’ve moved on in my head and forgave his ignorance, to an extent. I’ve allowed myself to trust him a bit, but full-trust will be for no one. I don’t care to relive the entire experience over and over in my head but certain memories will always remain. Scarring me for life because of two selfish people.

He’s not deserving of me, I know this. But the vows I took so many years ago are ones that bind me in my marriage. Despite his childish, narcissistic behavior back then, I have to remember his good and once loving nature.

After an Infidelity: You May Forgive but You'll Never Forget. I've moved on in my head and forgave his ignorance, to an extent. I've allowed myself to trust him a bit, but full-trust will be for no one. I don't care to relive the entire experience over and over in my head but certain memories will always remain. Scarring me for life because of two selfish people. He's not deserving of me, I know this. But the vows I took so many years ago are ones that bind me in my marriage. Despite his childish, narcissistic behavior back then, I have to remember his good and once loving nature.

After an Infidelity:  You May Forgive but You’ll Never Forget

We cannot allow ourselves to dwell in a state of sadness because life didn’t go exactly as we had planned. We must find a way to move on and Forgive. However, despite you trying to Forget the entire traumatic experience, we need to feel the pain. We need to remember how easily Life slipped us by and allowed someone you trusted and loved to steal your harmony.

We must never forget, no matter how hard we try because it has made You who you are today. The incident has changed the way you think about people in general and relationships going forward.

No matter how hard we try, we’ll never forget.

The reminder of such treachery could come to mind at any given time, and for no reason might I add. There may be a song on the radio, a word or two that you hear, or simply a vision of unfaithfulness that triggers the memory.

We often ask ourselves if there was something we did in our past to bring on such deception and pain?

Did we once or twice submit to the same disloyal actions in our very own past?

Is this karma coming to return the heartache for which you inflicted on one, or many, so long ago?

After an Infidelity: You May Forgive but You'll Never Forget.

You may never find out Why you happened to you so don’t blame yourself. It takes two to make or break a relationship, not one.

When the Memory hits

Out of nowhere, I’m engulfed by sadness. The images flashing before my eyes. The sadness and despair I feel in my gut. And no matter how many times I blink and try to shake the images from my head, it’s hopeless.

But I must continue to push forward.

It’s only human nature to be plagued by painful memories. How we all those memories to affect us is a different story. We cannot allow them to control us to the point of misery. If at all possibly, we need to embrace ourselves and remember that our higher power would never throw something our way that we couldn’t handle.

  • Allow time to evaluate yourself.
  • Regroup your thoughts.
  • Find inner peace with yourself.
  • And find Forgiveness.

After an Infidelity:  You May Forgive but You’ll Never Forget

Over to you

If you’ve ever been betrayed by a loved one, were you able to Forgive and move on? If so, how did you keep yourself from being swallowed up by grief? If not, how can we help you find peace?

17 thoughts on “After an Infidelity: You May Forgive but You’ll Never Forget”

    1. Hi Shelley. I appreciate your kind words. After the whole experience, I found that I’m actually more forgiving than I realized. However, forgetting will never be an option. Thank you for stopping by and sharing with us.

    1. Oh damn, I’m really sorry to hear about the divorce. What the hell is wrong with people? They think the grass is greener or something? I have to agree after mine was caught (although he didn’t cross the physically intimate barrier), it has never been the same. Or maybe I was just as blind before as when I was blindsided like you? Either way it sucks and will suck the trust right outta ya. Hang in there!

    1. Hi Alana. I’m happy your have been through a betrayal of this kind. Being able to forgive other hurts and disappointments is key in being able to move on. Glad your able to do that. Thanks for sharing.

    1. Hi Kita. I’m sorry to hear that. I know each person’s situation is different. Had mine actually consummated the deal and left to shack up, I don’t think I could ever forgive. I hope some day you’ll be able to find peace for yourself.

  1. I don’t think that I could forgive and stay. Honesty and integrity are huge for me and so not being able to trust someone would mean that there wasn’t a relationship.

    1. Hi Jennifer. I understand not everyone could stay after the trust has been broken. For me, there were many reasons. Was I right? I’ll never know. I don’t 100% trust anyone and never have. I appreciate your comment .

  2. All I can say is wow, Bren. It takes a strong person to forgive infidelity. I know couples who endured that pain but they were able to survive it. Some are stronger then ever and some are still having trust issues – I can tell by how often they argue.

    My ex cheated on me left and right. I carried that hurt and anger over in to my new relationship. The first 10 years I put the hubs through hell with my trust issues and every now and then I have flare ups. He’s always working and on the weekends he’s gone day and night. So when he doesn’t call or I call and he doesn’t answer the phone and get all these crazy thoughts.

    We talked about it one time and I found out he had the same concern. He knows alot of longshoreman who got divorced or their wives cheated on them because they were never home. So now, when I get a splash of cray 😉 I think about that and it calms me down.

    Thanks for sharing this gf. You know, I never told that to anyone before. 🙂 Hope you’re having a great day!

    Hugs and love mama!

    Cori

    1. Hey Cori,

      Strong or stupid, I’m still not sure. I guess it depends on who you ask. I know once you’ve been duped, it is really hard to trust ANYONE again. There’s always the fear of a repeat incident. However, like you know, we cannot allow that to rule our lives and make us miss out on special people who cross our path in the future. I know you and Mario have a strong relationship, which is great. I hope it stays that way throughout the years. I think when folks get midlife, they start getting crazy thoughts. I mean, I do but I don’t act…. well, only in my dreams. 🙂

      Thanks for sharing with us, gf! It’s almost Friday!

      B

  3. I went through something similar in the form of cyber cheating and to him he didn’t actually do the deed so he didn’t totally understand my feelings but the core of it is I felt like something so special was taken from me not just taken but given away with no thought at all. It also hit me hard as a woman. We are good now as far as love goes but the sexual intimacy and how I felt in that regard as to him and I well it changed.

    1. What is with men? They didn’t physically do it, so it doesn’t really count? Oy vey…yeah, mine was going to do it but I caught them prior to. Thankfully, it was a long distance thing and they didn’t get a chance to get together, however, the damage had been done emotionally and the trust lost. We are good now too but there are things, like you, that aren’t the same. Sorry hon. Men are just plain stupid sometimes.

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